I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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