Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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