i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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