hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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