I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
