Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Someone came in the potted fern
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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