I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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