Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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