i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
