I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
