I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
