you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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