Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
