Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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