remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
