so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
