im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
