if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize