I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
