Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I want a musical about memes.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
