last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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