i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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