i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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