Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I didn't notice because vodka
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
