May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
