so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
