My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
