Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
