Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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