Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just puked most of my soul out..
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
