Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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