She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize