i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
