I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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