totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
