Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize