Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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