She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
