Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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