I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
