She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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