When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
