i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
