Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
