Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
