You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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