I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
