in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
