So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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