I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
