I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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