i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
