My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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