I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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