dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
3 2 1 whiskey
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
