She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
