I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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