tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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