I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
