im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
