Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
