You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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