I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
