i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
