yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
