Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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