I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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