do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Randomize
