saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
