I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
