Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
