i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You pole danced in your parka.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
this hospital has no fireball
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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