Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
