Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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