Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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