i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
