just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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