I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
