A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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