Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize