I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
