How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
