Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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