YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
