I must be too annoying 4 u.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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