omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
