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Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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