I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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