he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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