she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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