doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
