I smell stomach acid.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
