she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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