he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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