Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
