Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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