marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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