Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize