That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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