Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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