At least make sure they are 18
Why
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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