im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
