note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
