Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
