Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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