so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
