Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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