My cat gives me a boner
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
