her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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