You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
