EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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