I'm going to jail i love you
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
