Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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