Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
