I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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