It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
