omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize