Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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