But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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