How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
