I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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