If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Boobs are out for the taking
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
tell me about the fingering
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