ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
