She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
