I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
