At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
