He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
