hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
