I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
