somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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