i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
