FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
