We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
