Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
