Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
handjob tips. give me some.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
