roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
