I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
