thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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