true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize